Deteriorating.

Assalam. Sorry. This is not going to be much positive post at the moment. =S

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BEWARE, it's DEMOTIVATING.

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   Medicine is hard as expected. Yeah, it is. Sometimes, I do think I don't fit in well. "Perhaps, this isn't my thing. Perhaps I should have stick on Asasi and try my luck on Mechy instead. Medic? So not me." I really am hating this feeling, this sucks to the core, dude! ='(

   I've been figuring out ways to increase, at least a little, just a little of my marks on the tests. Guess what? All those hard work apparently are NOT WORKING. No changes seen. Hypothesis accepted. I'm born average. Just some ordinary girl whose brain aren't really expanding and emo-ness over-rides. Sometimes, stuffs just make me feel stupid, really stupid. As if I have a brain as small as the size of a pea. Grrrrrreat! =.='

   Yeah, people will say I am not grateful of what I've been given. No way. I'm grateful to be given this golden chance of travelling this far to Ireland. But, do you understand the pressure I have? No you won't, because you aren't in my shoes. Things are complicated in my own ways. Emotions, feelings, studies, homesickness, tiredness, stress, peer pressure, workloads, time constraints. What more could you get yourself soaked into? I've tried almost everything to distract my emotions from being so high up top. Not much had worked, except for crying. Sad case. T-T

   Jogging comes in right. If a jog doesn't work, ice-creams would help ease better. Endorphin in chocolates are just temporary substitutes. After all, the best I could do was to turn to Him. Al-Quran is the ultimate healer of all, yes. But, sometimes things aren't that simple. Hormonal imbalance would cost you mind disruptions. RedBull is one of the cause. #.#

   Okay. That's it. I've spilled everything. Almost everything. Don't worry. I'm okay, still smiling despite of the immunity against my own stupidity. *fake smile* Duhhh. This is normal I guess? Hmmm. Insya-Allah, I pray I will not fail any of the subjects. I hope the RedBull consumptions wasn't just a waste. Hope so. =S

P/S : Sorry for the incredibly crappy emotion spill, I just needed a place to spill it all out. May Allah ease my burdens. May Allah forgive my mistakes. May Allah give me better days ahead. May Allah do the same to you readers too. Insya-Allah. =')