Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Can I be Pessimistic for awhile? ='(

It's a total lie if I would to say that I'm not sad at all, at least a bit deep down in my heart. I was initially strong when I heard the news. As time passed by, tears started falling. My heart keeps arguing what actually went wrong in my head. I'm not so sure either. It seems that the optimistic me has been over-won by the pessimistic me. ='(((

   I am kinda okay with fact that I'm to stay in Malaysia to pursue my studies. At least I've a chance to continue studying into a higher level of education. But..... How will this news affect my parents? I am very very very sad at the very thought of delivering them the bad news. I really think I have crushed their high hopes. Especially my dad. This thought is killing me. ='(((

   For the second time, I was denied to pursue my studies abroad. It's really sad to receive this kinda luck you know. First JPA, then MARA. And for the SECOND TIME, goddamnit, I'm crying like *tet*! I shouldn't have reapplied for MARA in the first place, if I knew things will hurt like this. Now, what? I'm sad for the second freaking time. Great! WTHeck is wrong with me? Am I a loser, a total LOSER!? Okayyy, I'm being a total pessimist. ='(((

   Maybe I should consider on changing my field course, like what my brother said, "do not regret choosing this profession later in the future". Thank you for the psycho session bro. =.='''! Medicine is not for me perhaps? And, what if I do not get through the UKM interview also? Dangggg. Negative thoughts surrounding me. I'm on the verge of breaking down. Only God knows. All I need now is the strength to believe in myself. ='(((

   If so, I am sooooo going back to my dream Mechanical Engineering! F1 for life! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. =.='

Thank you if you had been supporting all this while. I'm greatly a total pessimist right now. Ignore this insane crap if it affects your thinking too. I have the worst two years in a row!!! What a luck huh?! ='(

P/S : I need my mama now! =( Ya Allah, give me the strength to stop these tears. ='(

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